- What is a healthy dating relationship? How soon when you begin dating can you tell if you will be compatible over the long haul? How successful you are in your dating experiences is largely up to you. Most importantly, it is critical to be honest with yourself when beginning a new relationship.
We all know the dating process can be draining and difficult. We may have to go on dozens of disappointing dates before finding someone with whom we feel even remotely compatible, let alone experiencing full-on chemistry with an eligible mate. While timing and luck may play a role in dating, having an awareness of what we need and want in a mate, as well as what we have to offer a potential mate in return, play a big part in whether or not we will date and mate successfully.
How do you determine whether or not you are in a healthy dating relationship in the early stages of getting to know each other? Here are some key questions to ask yourself: - Does your potential mate call you frequently and give you ample notice when making plans? Or does he or she sort of expect that you will be available for last minute get togethers? Taking time to make plans, communication, and respect for your time are very big indicators when assessing behavior and considering relationship potential.
- What is the quality of the time you have spent together? Do you spend a lot of time talking and getting to know one another? If you and your date have a high degree of physical chemistry, how do you handle that when you are trying to get to know each other?
- Have you discussed readiness for a physical relationship? Are you having a sexual relationship without know your partner’s sexual history or expectations? In a healthy dating relationship, discussions regarding physical intimacy need to happen early on.
- Are you both on the same page with your expectations? If you are looking for a committed relationship, it may not happen with someone who is in the separation stage from a spouse or long-term partner.
- If you have children, have you discussed how your dating experiences may affect them? Discussions about children need to happen early in the relationship.
- Ask yourself if you are ready to take a dating relationship to the next level. Are you over an ex lover or spouse? Do you carry a high level of resentment for a former spouse or lover? What about your potential mate…how often does he/she talk about their ex? Frequent discussions about an ex may be a sign that your date has a lot of unfinished business which will not bode well for the long-term.
- Has your date communicated to you whether or not he or she would like to be in a long-term relationship? A good rule of thumb when pondering long-term potential is - consider your comfort level. If you experience chronic confusion, or feel that you are getting “mixed signals,” you are most likely, not in a healthy dating relationship with long-term potential.
OK, so you are well past the initial dating stage and are moving toward a relationship – how do you determine you are in a healthy relationship?
- Your partner has appropriate boundaries physically and emotionally. He or she respects your personal space, your time and your relationships with important others.
- Your partner is not excessively jealous. Everyone has a past. If your partner does not trust you, or frequently checks on your whereabouts, consider that you are not in a healthy dating relationship. Excessive jealousy and possessiveness can be a precursor to violence in relationships.
- Your partner manages negative emotions appropriately.
- Your partner takes responsibility for their actions. A mature person understands that the quality of their personal relationships is up to them and will not blame you for misunderstandings.
- Your partner keeps the lines of communication open and is willing to discuss issues that are important to you.
- Your partner seeks harmony in the relationship and feels happy when good things happen to you.
- Your partner doesn’t expect you to solve his/her problems. A good partner stands on his or her own feet.
- Your partner has healthy relationships with others.
- Your partner has a stable residence, telephone number and job.
- Your partner does not engage in provocative behavior with the opposite sex, or engage in cyber relationships.
- Your partner does not engage in excessive secrecy, frequently break plans, or refuse to be accountable for his or her whereabouts.
- Your partner does not engage in illicit drug and alcohol use.
If you are struggling to determine whether or not your relationship is healthy, or would like additional support, contact http://www.therapyontheweb.org.L. Miller, LICSW
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